The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
