the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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