he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
