Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
