I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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