Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Found your dick twin last night
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Never joke about your clitoris.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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