i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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