My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I need to calm my uterus...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
