Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
