Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
