Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
