no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
