I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
it was like eating out sand paper
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
