Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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