He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
