I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
