i think i have two assholes
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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