I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
