Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
