hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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