Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize