I think I died a long time ago.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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