Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
