I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
