I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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