I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
