Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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