I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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