I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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