So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she looked like the before picture.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
