I bet he comes in French.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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