i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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