how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
