If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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