and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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