when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I need help removing her.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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