I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
