You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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