I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
