oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You took a bar mat shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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