I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
