I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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