she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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