i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
