I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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