I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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