your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the day after is always just damage control
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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