Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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