So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
