this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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