Already got asked if we're dating
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
