So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Is it because I queefed?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
