Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
