i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
