i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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