My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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