she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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