why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
