you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
