No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize