He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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