I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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