Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
