Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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