Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
