Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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