He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
