I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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