check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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