Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
