I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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