A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
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