I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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