i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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