you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
