They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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