There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
