Say something about gay babies.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
